Thursday, January 21, 2010

My Treatise on Facebook

So my dad of all people says he’s thinking of starting a Facebook page and asked me to tell him what it’s about. I explained the basics of what it is and what it does, and he wanted the pros and cons of having a profile. This is what I told him. Let me know if I missed anything…

Pro: It’s got a large user base, so you can find a lot of old friends or schoolmates you may not otherwise have contact information for. You can search for them by name, where they went to school and so forth. Or, if a friend of yours is already friends with another mutual friend, they can link you two up.
Pro: You can very casually keep in touch with people you may not necessarily want to have long phone or email conversations with—check their wall, make sure they’re alive and kicking, see what they’re up to and move on.
Con: You can waste vast amounts of time peering in on people you don’t really need to have ties with. And people like Ned Ryerson will find you and ask to be your friend, and you’ll only be able to dodge them for so long before you have to let them back into your life.
Con: You may find out your friends are not really who you thought they were. Most people seem to think they really matter, and unfortunately Facebook nurtures this narcissism. Facebook will let you know whenever one of your friends joins the “Citizens Against Jim Jenkins” cult or feels precious enough to opine about worldly affairs by posting snide comments beneath a video clip showing evidence proving once and for all that you and those like you are responsible for everything bad that has ever happened in the world, ever. You may find that you preferred to “don’t go there” and naively assume your friends were level-headed pragmatists like you.
Con: You may already have contact information for everyone you know that is not subject to change. This is just another place to log into to send a message—what’s wrong with email? O the inconvenience of convenience.
Pro: A decent way to share pictures without having to email them to people individually.
Pro: As I mentioned, the only people you talk to there are people that are already really your friends.
Con: The only people you talk to there are people that are already really your friends.
Pro: When you die, your Facebook page will live on as a virtual headstone, and on the anniversary of your death every year your friends can post pictures of real flowers on your fake wall and say what they miss the most about you.
Con: People are lazy. If you give them this window into your day-to-day, they’re not likely to be genuinely interested in or concerned about you. “Oh there’s Jim, he’s fine, no need to call.” They may feel that Facebooking is sufficient, so they won’t write or come over to the house. You’ll get Facebook birthday cards instead of paper ones. Worthless icons of Christmas gifts instead of tangible ones. No one will visit your actual headstone.

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